Changed

I’m kind of in a funk today.

Last night, as I was holding Michael, who at two still does not sleep through the night, I started to wonder about the child we lost this year.

If he had been healthy, what would he have been like?

Would he have looked like Michael?

Would he have been happy?

Would he have slept well?

How would he have interacted with his brother?

A million little questions ran through my head. It’s strange loosing someone you don’t even know. You wouldn’t think it would affect you so deeply.

And yet, I can’t help but feel as though it’s changed me.