Tonight I begin my expose on the life of a bachelor. Over the next couple days I will report on the happenings in my life sans-wife. Don’t worry; she’s only on a business trip. She’ll be back by the week’s end, but until then I’m a bachelor… without the actually being single part.
To be true to form, I am currently writing this post from my apartment where I am sitting in my underwear drinking a “special” beverage. Now that I have the setting established, I can begin with a recap of my first evening alone.
After work, I kicked off the evening with a fine meal purchased at Tommy’s, the hamburger chain made famous by their chili-cheese burgers. It being Tommy’s 60th anniversary today, I was able to purchase a burger for 60 cents. Not too bad for my first bachelor outing. You see, a bachelor cares not what he ingests, as long as it in no way resembles anything from the vegetable group. Additionally, a bachelor thoroughly enjoys any meal that can be purchased for under a dollar.
My next stop for the evening was the couch in front of my TV. There I drifted in and out of consciences, until I was woken by the ringing phone. No one was on the other end when I answered so I attempted to rejoin my program. After a few confusing moments I realized that I wasn’t going to catch back up so I began thinking about what it was I was going to do with the remainder of my evening. It was then that the phone rang again. This time it was my wife, calling the far-away land of Texas. I realize that bachelors don’t usually have wives to call them; in fact, they usually don’t have wives at all, as a general rule, but that wasn’t something I cared to get into over the phone. After all, I’m only a temporary bachelor and I’d like to keep it that way. So, we’ll just pretend that I didn’t mention the wife’s call.
Skipping ahead, I decided that I needed to hit the store for some bachelor feeding necessities. So, I hopped into my sweet ride and cruised the strip (Lankershim), windows down, and music blaring. Once I reached my destination I procured the following items: beer, bagels, bread, eggs, chocolate pudding, peanut butter, coke, rice-a-roni, cheese, and some spaghetti sauce. I’ll have to get some meat on another trip.
After my little outing I came back home, turned on the computer, and that pretty much brings us up to the present. Not a bad evening if I do say so myself.
Excellent. That was quiet enjoyable. Your evening would have been complete had you also clogged the toilet and spent an hour plunging it. Between the two of us, I think we make the perfect bachelor.
LikeLike