Changed

I’m kind of in a funk today.

Last night, as I was holding Michael, who at two still does not sleep through the night, I started to wonder about the child we lost this year. If he had been healthy, what would he have been like? Would he have looked like Michael? Would he have been happy? Would he have slept well? How would he have interacted with his brother? A million little questions ran through my head. It’s strange loosing someone you don’t even know. You wouldn’t think it would affect you so deeply. And yet, I can’t help but feel as though it’s changed me.

The Curse of Too Many Channels

We don’t have cable.

There are times I wish we did, but mostly I’m satisfied with the handful of channels we get through the antenna on the roof of our house.

Because we don’t have cable, we find ourselves watching shows we might otherwise overlook in favor of binge watching HGTV or the Food Network.

A few nights ago we happened upon a Nature documentary on Snow Monkeys. It was amazing. It brought back childhood memories of watching PBS programs like NOVA with my family. And, it made me realize that I want to forge those same memories with my family.

There are so many great, educational television programs that go unnoticed when we have hundreds of channels at our disposal. I guess I had just forgotten that and lost sight of some good television.

Mornings are the best/worst time of my day

Every morning before I leave for work, I get about 30 minutes to play with my son.

It’s never enough, but it’s time that I cherish.

I can tell that my son cherishes that time too, because every day at 7 AM, when it’s time for me to leave, he latches himself onto my leg in an attempt to hang on to me for a little while longer.

It’s cute.

And, it tears me apart every time.

Of course, I want to stay.

I want to be there with him every minute of every day, but the reality of having to work and support my family unfortunately wins out.

I am glad that he loves me and wants me to stay. I know it won’t always be this way.

I don’t want to have children

The other day I overheard someone talking about how they never want to have children.

It mad me a little sad, but I understand that kids aren’t for everyone.

I always figured I would have children, but when my wife and I started seriously discussing it, I got cold feet. I liked what we had. More than that, I was scared. I wasn’t ready. I had a bunch of excuses.

But, at some point I came to realize that I could never be ready in the way I wanted. And, I am glad I did. I can’t imagine life without my son.

He is amazing.

My son amazes me

My son amazes me.

He has a great memory, an incredible eye for detail and apparently a good sense of direction.

Last night as we pulled into a Downtown Burbank parking lot he began asking about Olaf.

This isn’t necessarily abnormal, as he is obsessed with Frozen, but the reason he was asking about Olaf this time, was because he remembered that there was a candy store near the parking lot with a stuffed Olaf in the window.

Crazy right?

He just amazes me more and more each and every day. It truly is a blessing to watch him grow, even though I wish he would slow down.

Father, Husband, Son

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